The Best Tyrion Quotes from Game of Thrones

Tyrion Lannister Quotes

Tyrion Lannister is one of everybody’s favorite characters in Game of Thrones for his quick wit, good heart and dirty mouth. This combination of characteristics makes him incredibly quotable, and we’ve collected the best 33 quotes from Tyrion in the whole of Game of Thrones.

1. “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion gives Jon Snow some sage advice after he recoils from being called a Bastard. Tyrion, having been mocked for his stature all his life, encourages Jon to embrace who he is, using it as a defense mechanism rather than taking offense from it. It is one of the most iconic and greatest quotes from Tyrion.

2. “All dwarves are bastards in their father’s eyes” – Tyrion Lannister

After Tyrion’s prudent counsel the quote before, Jon asks Tyrion what he knows about being a bastard, to which he replies that, in the eyes of their father’s, dwarves are bastards.

3. “And go celibate? The whores would go begging from Dorne to Casterly Rock. No, I just want to stand on top of the wall and piss off the edge of the world” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion’s response to being asked if he’s thinking of taking the black is perfect. He jokingly over-values his status as a sex fiend, claiming his celibacy would torment the whores, while revealing his own infantile, though rather interesting activity nonetheless, reason for wanting to go to the Wall. For so many reasons, this is a classic Tyrion line.

4. “A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone” – Tyrion Lannister

Best Game of Thrones Quotes Season 1 Episode 2

One of Tyrion’s best and most famous quotes. When Jon asks him why he reads so much, Tyrion replies that, much like Jaime has his sword as his weapon, Tyrion’s gift is his mind, and much like a weapon a mind needs to be sharpened. Books are his choice to do so. Maybe you’ve seen our take on this famous quote on our Twitter?

5. “I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things” – Tyrion Lannister

It feels like for most of the first season Tyrion is trying to convince people that he’s not evil like the whole of Westeros thinks, and it’s with this line he shows this to Robb. He provides Bran with the blueprints for a saddle that will make the crippled boy able to ride a horse once again. Tyrion Lannister is so quote-worthy Season 1 Episode 4 of Game of Thrones was named for this quote.

6. “In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock” – Tyrion Lannister

When asked by the hill tribes of the Vale how he would like to die, Tyrion’s answer includes all the things you might expect from his dying wish. Wine and sex. He says this to the Vale hill tribes in Season 1 Episode 8.

7. “You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality, that and your cheekbones” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion admits Cersei’s redeeming qualities, quoting her love for her children and then her cheekbones as an afterthought.

8. “I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence” – Tyrion Lannister

Janos Slynt and Tyrion’s dinner together is going rather well until Tyrion questions Lord Janos’ honor. The commander of the city watch is outraged, so Tyrion assures him he’s not questioning it, saying he can’t question something that doesn’t exist. Tyrion’s total and absolute dismissal of Lord Janos Slynt comes in Season 2 Episode 2.

9. “Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats” – Tyrion Lannister

Upon discovering that it’s Pycelle who has been spying on him and reporting to Cersei, Tyrion pays the old man a visit in his chambers, and threatens, among other things, to cut off his manhood to feed to the goats. Though not following through with it, part of you has to admit that you wanted him to.

10. “Oh Lancel, tell my friend Bronn to please kill you if anything should happen to me” – Tyrion Lannister

Having discovered that Lancel is sleeping with Cersei, Tyrion uses his newfound leverage to extract Cersei’s secrets from his cousin. He learns about Cersei’s plans to use wildfire to defend the city against Stannis’ impending attack and, after dismissing Lancel, tells Lancel to tell Bronn to kill him if anything happens to Tyrion. Lancel actually does ask Bronn to kill him if Lord Tyrion is hurt, making for a very funny scene.

11. “We’ve had vicious kings, and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!” – Tyrion Lannister

A close encounter with the common people of King’s Landing leaves the nobles shook up, though not Tyrion who pounces on Joffrey in an instant as he was the catalyst for their rage, shouting “Kill them” after the commoners threw a “cow pie” at him. Tyrion’s unchecked insults make this quote so awesome as he shows no fear to insult a “vicious idiot” king in Season 2 Episode 6.

12. “I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you’re safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you’ll know the debt is paid” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion’s threatening and bone-chilling speech to Cersei after she shows him the whore she has discovered and beaten is most memorable. The suspense grips us as the girl comes out as Cersei believes this whore is Tyrion’s lover, though it relieves us when turns out to be Ros rather than Shae. Nevertheless, Tyrion threatens Cersei with a vow to rip her joy from her and turn it to ash when she thinks she’s happy. This is easily one of the most iconic quotes from Tyrion and can be found in Season 2 Episode 8.

13. “The lord of light wants his enemies burned. The drowned god wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?” – Tyrion Lannister

Tits and wine – why did we even bother labelling this as Tyrion’s quote? Tyrion’s views on the numerous gods and their preferred methods of people dying is both hilarious and true, making us all secretly want to convert to this religion that worships the god of tits and wine.

14. “Drinking and lust. No man can match me in these things. I am the god of tits and wine” – Tyrion Lannister

I am the god of tits and wine - Tyrion Lannister - Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 8 quotes

Tyrion, as you’d expect, becomes rather drunk at his wedding to Sansa Stark in Season 3 Episode 8, though not as drunk as he plans on getting he reveals to his father. This worries Tywin who wants to make sure that Tyrion will perform in putting a child in Sansa. Tyrion tells him not to worry; Tywin himself had called him a lust-filled beast. Lust is what Tyrion does best. Funnily enough, Tyrion asked Varys in Season 2 where they could find the god of tits and wine as a joke. Well, looks like Tyrion is the deity in question.

15. “They say I’m half a man, well what does that make the lot of you?” – Tyrion Lannister

The most epic quote from Tyrion’s rousing speech that likely inspired the men to hold the city long enough to save it for when Tywin’s troops came is this. After Joffrey was summoned by his mother and abandoned his troops, it’s Tyrion who rallies the men by comparing their cowardness to his status as a half-man. A clever play on words that may have saved the city. One of the most inspirational quotes from the half-man.

16. “Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion suffers a quite horrendous fall from grace following the Battle of the Blackwater, where he sustained a face wound after a knight of the kingsguard tried to kill him, received no credit for his battle-changing move with the wildfire, and then got put in little more than a closet as his old quarters were taken over by his father. Cersei laughs at his living situation, snidely saying that he doesn’t need much room. Pycelle had been in earlier and made that exact joke, so Tyrion mocks Cersei for having a sense of humor akin to someone as ancient as Pycelle.

17. “I’m quite good at spending money but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn’t taught me much about managing it” – Tyrion Lannister

Tywin’s decision to name Tyrion the master of coin in Lord Baelish’s absence comes as a shock to the whole small council, and Tyrion hides behind no facade, admitting that the opulent lifestyle that comes with being a Lannister has left him rather stumped for ways to manage money.

18. “Then you’ll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock” – Tyrion Lannister

Joffrey tries to initiate the bedding ceremony between Sansa and Tyrion to humiliate them both, but Tyrion is having none of it. After saying twice that there won’t be a bedding ceremony, he stabs a knife into his table and whispers this quote menacingly. His maneuver works; Tywin interferes and says they’re sure they can miss out on the bedding ceremony.

19. “If my father wants someone to get fucked I know where he can start” – Tyrion Lannister

Tywin commands Tyrion to put a child in Sansa so the Lannisters can secure the North through a son of theirs. When the time comes to do the deed, however, Tyrion refuses to do it. Sansa begins objecting, saying that Tyrion’s father bade him do it, which draws this brilliant quote from Tyrion. Quotes like this that so clearly defy his father’s wishes are what makes everyone love the Imp.

20. “Oh… I’m a monster. Perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then. Monsters are dangerous and just now kings are dying like flies” – Tyrion Lannister

Annoyed at his Uncle’s suggestion not to serve Robb’s head to Sansa at his wedding, Joffrey calls Tyrion a little monster. As he walks back to the head of the table, Tyrion says this quote in a deathly quiet voice. We sure are getting lots of great Game of Thrones quotes from Joffrey mentioning Robb Stark’s head, aren’t we? This scary Tyrion quote comes in Season 3 Episode 10 of Game of Thrones.

21. “It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion tells Podrick to keep up in his drinking to match Tyrion when they’re downing cups of wine together, but Pod is unable to match the dwarf’s frequency and tells him he can’t. Tyrion then reveals this insightful piece of knowledge, that being perpetually drunk is actually very difficult.

22. “I saved you. I saved this city, and all your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis kill you all!” – Tyrion Lannister

Up next we have the awesome string of Tyrion Lannister quotes that come when he gets massacred in his trail to prove his guilt of murdering Joffrey. He gets interrupted a few times and there are times where the quotes don’t flow, so we’ve separated them into four different quotes that we feel best convey each topic he addresses.

This first one is to the people watching the trial, unaware that their lives are safe because of Tyrion’s plan for the Battle of the Blackwater. He addresses how he saved them all, though with how they’ve shunned him he should have let Stannis kill them all. This is part of his speech when on trial for killing Joffrey in Season 4 Episode 6, and is one of the most epic speeches in the whole of the series.

23. “Nothing but this. I did not do it. I did not kill Joffrey but I wish that I had. Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores. I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you, I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!” – Tyrion Lannister

Tywin asks if Tyrion does not have anything to say in his defense. Tyrion’s case has already been shattered by Cersei paying or intimidating anyone close to Tyrion to testify against him, so he says this chilling quote to the onlookers saying he wished he was the monster they thought he was; at least then maybe he’d be dying for something he actually did. He wishes the poison they think he used to murder the King could be used on them all, for he’d gladly watch them all die.

24. “I’ve got every kind of filth down here except the kind I like” – Tyrion Lannister

Oberyn comes to visit Tyrion in his cell after a trip to brothel, which Tyrion asks for more details of because of all the filth in his cell, he has none of that.

25. “I am your son. I have always been your son” – Tyrion Lannister

In the emotional showdown between the two, Tywin is shocked when Tyrion releases a crossbow bolt at him. He says with spite that Tyrion is not his son, disowning him as he’s always done. Tyrion says this two sentences as his last words, before shooting his father once more and ending his life to conclude one of the most intense scenes in Game of Thrones Season 4.

26. “I need to speak to someone with hair” – Tyrion Lannister

In the aforementioned brothel, Tyrion gets up suddenly and leaves Varys. The eunuch inquires on where he’s going, drawing this funny quote out from the Imp.

27. “You want revenge against the Lannisters? I killed my mother, Joanna Lannister, on the day I was born. I killed my father, Tywin Lannister, with a bolt to the heart. I am the greatest Lannister killer of our time” – Tyrion Lannister

Dany asks, in an uncharastically bloodthirsty manner of hers, why she shouldn’t kill Tyrion as revenge for what his family has done to hers over the years. He flips this and comically points out that he is the greatest Lannister killer of their time.

28. “That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things” – Tyrion Lannister

"That's what I do. I drink, and I know things" - Tyrion Lannister - Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 2 Quotes

Missandei, quite rightfully, asks Tyrion how he knows that dragons don’t do well in captivity as he’d obviously never seen one before Dany’s three. He replies in a very Tyrion-like manner, saying that was what he did; drink and know things. This is one of the best and most iconic Tyrion quotes in Game of Thrones. A fan favorite, he says this in Season 6 Episode 2 to Missandei and Grey Worm.

29. “A wise man once said the true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion, Missandei and Grey Worm are waiting together, and Tyrion is eager to pass the time with a conversation. To try and encourage them, he says this quote. And yes, the wise man who said this was, indeed, Tyrion.

30. “You’re in the great game now, and the great game is terrifying” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion asks Dany if she’s scared about sailing to Westeros with conquering it in mind, which her expression tells him she is. This is his follow up.

31. “A long and bloody tale. To be honest I was drunk for most of it” – Tyrion Lannister

Ever inquisitive, Tyrion tells Jon he’d very much like to hear how a recruit in the Night’s Watch became King in the North. Jon consents as long as Tyrion tells a story in return: how he became hand of the queen to Daenerys Targaryen.

32. “Casterly Rock is an impregnable fortress. But as a good friend of mine once said: give me 10 good men, and I’ll impregnate the bitch” – Tyrion Lannister

During the epic montage that sees Grey Worm and a small squad of Unsullied use the secret passage Tyrion built into Casterly Rock when he designed its sewers, this is part of his monologue over it. He pays homage to something Bronn said in Season 1 when he heard how the Eyrie is impregnable, and said he could impregnate it with 10 good men and some climbing spikes.

33. “Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he’s hopeful for a successful military alliance” – Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion candidly says to Daenerys that Jon Snow is in love with her. Though she is in denial at first, this sarcastic quote from Tyrion does show that it’s most likely he is.

And there they are! A huge number of memorable quotes from one of the most likable, interesting and developed characters in Game of Thrones.

Be sure to check out the best quotes from the spymaster, Lord Varys, while you’re here, too.

Image credit: HBO