Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 8 has its quotes commandeered by the main feature of the episode: the wedding of Sansa and Tyrion. This produces a bunch of funny quotes as manny of the main characters are reminded that they have marriages coming up that they’re not happy with (looking at you, Cersei). Here are the best quotes from Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 8.
1. “I’ll give you one try, girl. Kill me and you’re free, but if I live, I’ll break both your hands” – The Hound
The episode begins in dramatic fashion, with Arya creeping over to the sleeping Hound with a large rock in her hands. Just as she reaches him slumbering, she raises it above her head, but freezes as he begins to speak this line. She chooses not to try and kill him.
2. “The gods gave men two gifts to entertain ourselves before we die. The thrill of fucking a woman who wants to be fucked, and the thrill of killing a man who wants to kill you” – Daario Naharis
Sitting in the tent with the other leaders of the Second Sons, Daario speaks to the others about the meaning of being a whore, being accused one himself for selling his sword. He insists this is different; he fights for beauty. He then proceeds to say this line, which accurately sums up the thoughts of sellswords in Game of Thrones.
3. “If you ever call me Sister again I’ll have you strangled in your sleep” – Cersei Lannister
Not one for affection, clearly, is Cersei. At the wedding between Sansa and Tyrion, Margaery approaches the Queen Regent to tell her she looks radiant and telling her they’ll be Sisters soon. After a lengthy walk and a chilling retelling of what happened to House Rain, the former second most wealthy family in the seven kingdoms, just as the Tyrells are, who got destroyed for rebelling against Tywin Lannister, Cersei coldly tells Margaery what will happen should she call her Sister again.
4. “Drinking and lust. No man can match me in these things. I am the god of tits and wine” – Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion, as you’d expect, becomes rather drunk at his wedding to Sansa Stark, though not as drunk as he plans on getting he reveals to his father. This worries Tywin who wants to make sure that Tyrion will perform in putting a child in Sansa. Tyrion tells him not to worry; Tywin himself had called him a lust-filled beast. Lust is what Tyrion does best.
5. “Nobody cares what your father once told you” – Cersei Lannister
Loras approaches Cersei during the wedding reception of Tyrion and Sansa to make conversation with his bride-to-be. He manages to say four words, “Well, my father once…” before Cersei has enough and interrupts him with this quote. Charming.
6. “Congratulations, my lady. You’ve done it. You’ve married a Lannister, soon you’ll have a Lannister baby. It’s a dream come true for you isn’t it? What a glorious day” – Joffrey Baratheon
Depending on your opinion of Joffrey and whether you can find humor in his villainy will decide whether you find this funny. The unfaltering joy in his voice as he says this, despite it clearly being 1000 miles from the truth is hilarious, though. He says this quote to Sansa after she officially marries Tyrion.
7. “Then you’ll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock” – Tyrion Lannister
Joffrey tries to initiate the bedding ceremony between Sansa and Tyrion to humiliate them both, but Tyrion is having none of it. After saying twice that there won’t be a bedding ceremony, he stabs a knife into his table and whispers this quote menacingly. His maneuver works; Tywin interferes and says they’re sure they can miss out on the bedding ceremony.
8. “A bad joke, your grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small, my poor wife won’t even know I’m there” – Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion brillianty defuses the tension that the previous quote of his caused after Tywin says he was sure Tyrion was joking. Clearly drunk, he brushes off what he said as a joke made out of his inadequacy to Joffrey’s royal manhood.
9. “If my father wants someone to get fucked I know where he can start” – Tyrion Lannister
Tywin commands Tyrion to put a child in Sansa so the Lannisters can secure the North through a son of theirs. When the time comes to do the deed, however, Tyrion refuses to do it. Sansa begins objecting, saying that Tyrion’s father bade him do it, which draws this brilliant quote from Tyrion.
Some total gems in Season 3 Episode 8 for quotes, and you know each episode we post has some great lines in. Check out the 38 best quotes from GoT Season 2, as well as the two episodes preceding this one.
Season 3 Episode 7
Season 3 Episode 6
Image credits: HBO