Game of Thrones is notorious for being quoteworthy, so here are the best Game of Thrones quotes from Season 1 Episode 5.
1. “Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat arse, did you know that?” – Robert Baratheon
I’m sure you’re expecting some context to go with this wild quote, but there really isn’t any, which makes it all the more funny. After Lancel Lannister can’t strap King Robert’s breastplate on, Robert stares at the boy with disdain and randomly insults his mother. What a charmer.
2. “I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted, and someone took her away from me, and seven kingdoms couldn’t fill the hole she left behind” – Robert Baratheon
Who’d have thought Robert would come up with one of the best love quotes in Season 1? When reminiscing about Lyanna Stark, he explains how the hole she left in his heart couldn’t be filled by his dominion over seven kingdoms in this heartfelt quote.
3. “Brothels make a much better investment than ships, I’ve found. Whores rarely sink” – Lord Baelish
Ever the astute businessman, Baelish explains his liking for investing in Brothels to Ned Stark, comparing them to ships by saying they rarely sink unlike their wooden counterparts.
4. “Oh, did I kill him, too? I’ve been a very busy man” – Tyrion Lannister
After being accused of one murder he didn’t commit, Lysa then hurls another accusation at Tyrion as he stands before her, claiming that he was behind the death of Jon Arryn as well as the assassination attempt on Bran’s life. Replying in dry sarcasm, Tyrion’s scorn for this baseless assumption is clear.
5. “My Father is Hand of the King. I’m not a boy, I’m Arya Stark of Winterfell and if you lay a hand on me my Father will have both your heads on spikes. Now, are you going to let me by or do I need to smack you on the ear to help with your hearing?” – Arya Stark
Arya seeks to enter King’s Landing through the main gates, but upon seeing her grubby appearance the guards take her for a begging boy, rather than a royal girl. She chides them for their error and threatens to smack them over the head, just as they threatened to do to her.
6. “North or South, they sing no songs for spiders” – Lord Varys
Varys reveals the thankless nature of his work, saying that in no corners of the realm (which he so often mentions is whom he serves) do they praise spiders.
7. “The first to arrive and the last to leave; I admire your industry” – Lord Varys
The Varys-Baelish relationship dynamic is one of my favorites in the whole show – two industrious men, both expert players at the game. Varys compliments Baelish’s work ethic with this quote we should all try to adhere to.
8. “My father fought for the freedom of his people. What did your father do? Fucked a cook and whelped a whore” – Theon Greyjoy
The ever-arrogant Theon demeans the whore he has just slept with when she questions his father’s rebellion, quite effectively diminishing her argument with this quote.
9. “Give me 10 good men and some climbing spikes, I’ll impregnate the bitch” – Bronn
Bronn wins our hearts early on for his roguish humor, taking Tyrion’s musing, “they say the Eyrie is impregnable” quite literally, saying that with a small squad of good soldiers he could impregnate it.
10. “You have to give it to the Lannisters. They may be the most pompous, ponderous cunts the gods ever suffered to walk the world, but they do have an outrageous amount of money” – Renly Baratheon
Renly finds room in his hatred for the Lannisters to compliment their wealth, their one redeeming quality in his eyes, it seems.
11. “Stannis has the personality of a Lobster” – Loras Tyrell
Before we even meet Stannis, enough characters have painted the picture of his severe mood for us, Loras perhaps doing so the most entertainingly.
Check out other quotes from Game of Thrones 1st Season from episodes such as Episode 4 and Episode 3.
Image credit: HBO